The climate here is getting hotter again. More windy. The work in the
clinic has been more steady. A usual injury pattern for this area. Next
week will be my last full week and I will show you pictures of where I have
worked out of for the last 3 months. Our excitement centered around having
another mass causality drill. The new FST team of 7 are here now and
integrating and the team that we have been working with is getting ready to
leave. The FST sole purpose is emergency and operating room care. It was
important to have another exercise to orient them to this place. This group
is from Wisconsin if I haven't told you all that. It is interesting to see
the dynamics of people from different parts of the US. The new group that
runs the hospital is from Texas. They are fresh and excited to learn new
things and hopeful they will be out of here in 9 months. These 2 days
didn't include any new injuries. We had a incoming again but nothing was
heard or hit nearby.
The 3rd agreement goes in line with a word that is commonly used in coaching
and really teaching situations. Assume. I think we all have heard what it
is broken down into and I don't believe I need to explain that in exact
detail. I will try to make light of it in our discussion for this
agreement. Remember these agreements don't stand alone by themselves. You
actually should add them together to create the person you should strive for
or want to be. I think we all make assumptions. We are not immune to this
activity. I guess I didn't really realize how much we probably do it on a
daily basis and what it can lead to.
His first point is this. We have a tendency to make assumptions about
everything. Then we believe they are the truth and swear they are real.
This sentence of his puts this agreement together with the first two
agreements. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking -
we take it personally (#2) - then we blame them and react by sending
emotional poison with out word (#1). We do these three things together and
we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. All the drama and sadness
you lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things
personally. I think it makes some sense.
His next point is about gossiping again. He talks about how gossiping comes
from the assumptions. We are afraid to ask for clarification, we make
assumptions, and believe we are right about the assumptions. We then defend
our assumptions to try to make someone else wrong. The way to solve this is
to ask questions instead of making assumptions. The assumptions set you up
How does making assumptions effect our relationships? We start a problem by
thinking that other person in the relationship knows what we think and that
we don't have to say what we want. We assume they are going to do what we
want, because they know us well and if they don't then we are hurt. The
drama starts again b/c we this assumption and then put more assumptions on
top of it. The point is tell that person in your relationship what you
So what do we have to do to? Ask questions. It is scary to ask questions.
It makes you feel vulnerable or even stupid. We assume that the person you
are asking is going to do that to you. If he/she does that to you, you then
get defensive. You then assume you are so right that you will defend your
own position and cause troubles. A bad circle. I think what he is trying
to say is to really listen, respect another persons opinion, and be caring.
Here is another point about assumptions. We assume everybody sees life the
way we do. Wow that is so true. I used the word intolerant in previous
blogs. This is what intolerant people do. He says this is the biggest
assumption that humans make. Everybody should feel, think, and judge just
like we do. This feeling then leads to a fear of being ourselves around
others. We think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and
blame us as we do ourselves.
The other thing assumptions do is create inner conflict. Your assumptions
about yourself makes you think you can do anything. You overestimate or
underestimate yourself. You maybe should gather more facts before you do
something or maybe stop lying to yourself about what you truly want. This
translates into relationships like this. You only see what you want to see
and you deny there are things you don't like about that person. Then you
make the assumption that your love can change that person. The fact of the
matter is that only that person can change b/c they want to, not b/c you can
change them. Tell them what you want and need, but they have to want that
for themselves, not b/c you want it. If you are trying to change them then
you really don't like them. Find someone that you don't have to change.
Find someone that doesn't have to change you. Pretty simple but all of us
know it isn't exactly like that. That is what he wants you to strive for by
making these agreements.
Real love is accepting other people way they are without trying to change
them. -- God calls it unconditional love or Agape.
Solution to this problem. I have alluded to them before but summarize his
solutions. Ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. Have
courage to ask the questions until you are clear. Find your strong voice to
ask a question or certainly answer the questions being put to you. Don't
assume that you know everything about every situation.
I think this book is cool and informative b/c it makes you think. This
stuff isn't to bring you down or make the point how you have been living the
wrong way. Instead it is giving you information. I want to share it b/c it
will make us all better. It will make our friendships better. Our
relationships with our spouses and kids better. Keep learning. Understand
what this means and make it a habit. Write these down and make it habit by
taking action on it. Do it over and over again. Then relationships will
get better but most importantly you will feel better.
Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is going to have good holiday